They like me! They really, really, like me!!!!! I am talking about my family. It’s day two of my cycle and I feel like a new woman bubbling over with happiness! HOL. LAY. LU. YAAAAA. HA! For the past week I have had just about the worst PMS of my existence and oh boy did it show. It was seeping out of every pore. You could almost smell it like I smelled the alcohol evaporating from Tom the morning after his 30th Birthday celebration. (We rented one of those huge Navigator Limos that fits twenty people, and drank ourselves all through Downtown San Diego from 5pm until 2am. All nineteen of us that is. I was knocked up and got to play DJ, because when everyone was too drunk to operate the radio, I was in charge. Good times.)
The reason I know my family not only loves me, but they like me, is that I am still alive, and not chopped up in a suitcase with cinder-blocks and at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico. They let me live another day, knowing I would come back to them. Keeping the faith that I would get my period, get good night sleep, and wake to have a sensible diet. Carbs of course. A bagel with butter. Check! Coffee, drink it down, because no amount of sleep or hormone leveling will ever negate the need for a large Cup O’ Joe. Check and Check! Next, WATER! It’s Saturday morning, so you’re sure as shittin’ last night I had some cocktails and I am dehydrated. Okay, off to a great start!
Now about that great night sleep….I was too tired to stay awake for dinner. Ridiculous I know, especially because Tom was making one of my FAVORITE meals. His famous cheeseburgers. I am not exaggerating when I say these babies are THE BEST! They could make a vegan switch teams, I am certain. I don’t know exactly what he does, but man o man, I don’t need a bun, or a chip, or a mac or potato salad. Just the meat and a little side of mayo. I know it may sound gross, and like a big plate of fat, but it is soooo yummy. I am a polish girl, and if genetics say I have to have big hands and big feet, then I am going to enjoy my burgers. And so it goes, I had that bad boy for lunch, and all is right in the world and with the Brosnan Clan!
Screw you and thank you, you asshole PMS Goddesses.